The Problem Isn’t Your Body, The Problem is what you think of it… And what you think of yourself.
Ohhhhhhhhhh Kaayyyyyy. It’s mid-November so how many of you have been bombarded with the “Little black dress diet”, “lose a stone before Christmas” “Crash Christmas diet” or “Beat the Christmas Bulge”? Yawn, this list goes on….
Every time I scroll through my social media feed, I feel like these types of messages are being rammed down my throat. You know, the ones with the standard before and after picture where Jayne from Gloucester is looking sad and desperate in her before picture – but then looking happy, vibrant and noticeably slimmer in her after pic! BTW, I’m using the name, for example purposes only (all the Jayne’s from Gloucester please don’t come after me!). My point is that we are constantly fed these lies of “you are not good enough”, whether that’s through subtle messaging or in your face advertisements. There tend to be key points throughout the year where the diet industry capitalizes on our vulnerability.
‘New Year, New You’ (start of the year) ‘Get Your Summer Beach Body’ (middle of the year) and ‘Little black dress diet’ (end of the year). So, when you look at it, you are not really ever left alone from the constant barrage of weight and body image propaganda.
It doesn’t matter how they try to target you or what glittery and positive jargon they use, the message is clear, and it reads like this:
ALL THOSE INSECURITIES YOU HAVE ABOUT YOURSELF ARE TRUE AND IF YOU DON’T DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT YOU WILL FOREVER BE LIVING IN AN EMOTIONAL PIT OF MISERY. BUT DON’T PANIC, WE HAVE THE SOLUTION BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF, SO LOSE WEIGHT, CHANGE YOUR EXTERNAL APPEARANCE BECAUSE ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE WORTHY OF LOVE AND VALIDATION.
Now, let’s get something straight. If you want to lose weight, if you need to lose weight there is absolutely nothing wrong with this and you should never feel ashamed for doing anything that ensures your happiness and improves your health and quality of your life. Your life, your rules, right?
Being body positive doesn’t mean you are against losing weight any more than does being a feminist imply you hate men. I am 36 years old and have been various weights and sizes over the years. There wasn’t anything wrong my body at any size. But there was a lot wrong with the messages which tried to convince me otherwise.
I once ran a diet and fitness club (**shudders**)where every week members would attend my class, hop onto the scales, I would tell them whether they had gained or lost weight, the biggest “loser” would receive a lovely handwritten certificate and then we would finish with a 45 minute workout. There are thousands of weight loss clubs around the world who follow a similar format and I am not knocking any of them. But this is what I learnt and fundamentally the reasons for why I stopped my diet business. My members lost weight; many of them an incredible amount and once they reached their goal they then left. But within a few short months of leaving the weight had crept back on, faster than they had lost it and before you could say ‘jam tart’ they were back with me on their weight loss journey – and so the cycle begins. I met some amazing people and some I now consider close friends. My members trusted me to give them the best nutritional advice, motivational exercise and lots of support and encouragement. For many, coming to my class was a chance to escape the pressures of life, work, relationships and the rest. Some members were going through bereavements, some stressed with work, some in toxic relationships. You see, it goes deeper than just food and exercise. I was dealing with predominantly women who had a history of self-loathing and yoyo- dieting. Asking someone to step on the scales every week is not going to rebuild the negative relationship between them and their body. It’s dealing with the underlying issues e.g. stress, lack of confidence, anxiety, low self-esteem etc which you need to tackle first.
Think about this example….
You keep getting really bad stomach pain. You are fed up because for months you’ve had this pain frequently. You get a doctor’s appointment, explain the symptoms to your GP who then gives you some tablets for the stomach pain. You start to feel relieved and satisfied. Unfortunately, the next month the same stomach pain returns, and you are back at the doctors for another prescription for the pain. This is a classic example of a case where you thought you were focusing and taking action on the true cause of the problem (seeking help to relieve the stomach pain), but instead your GP ended up just fixing the symptoms (prescribing medication for the pain). Since only the symptoms were fixed the root cause of the problem was never diagnosed and therefore still exists. Should the doctor have done a further investigation that could have revealed that the stomach pain was caused by an allergy, intolerance, stress for example. But since the proper cause was never investigated, you are now going around in circles, wasting your time and stressing yourself out about what is really causing your stomach pain. Basically, what I am trying to say is that if we focus on just fixing the symptoms you won’t find the cause. Finding the root cause requires courage, patience and persistence. It’s not easy and may mean that you feel incredibly vulnerable in doing so – but it is the only true way of fixing the problems you are facing for good.
I have never had a good relationship with scales. You’ve probably heard the phrase ‘Scales belong on fish’? True! I also believe scales belong on a bonfire but that’s really not environmentally friendly, so we’ll stick with the fish saying. For years my mornings looked something like this:
Step (tentatively) onto the bathroom scales - Post wake up wee of course. Also, why are the majority of scales hidden in the bathroom? Is it because we associate weight with feelings of privacy and shame?
With one eye open and holding my breath, I would cross my fingers and pray that the number I see before me would be lower than the one I had seen the day before. If it was, I would be on top of the world and go through that day with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. I would work harder at university/work and I would make wiser food choices throughout the day.
Now if that number was the same or heavens forbid HIGHER, then after moving the scale around to different areas of the bathroom floor, I would instantly feel like a low and upset and probably eat a few chocolate bars that day to cushion the blow of feeling like a complete failure!!
It’s amazing how a set of scales can dictate your mood and the choices you make.
We’ve made the scale our symbol of authority, of worth, of truth. If we’ve been "bad", there’s no denying it because it shows up on the scale. If we’ve been "good", getting on the scale will be its own reward. The scale has become like God—it knows all.
A scale, however, is just a scale—a cold, lifeless piece of metal—until we give it its power. We make it into the instrument that tells us if we should like ourselves today or not. And we do that by accepting societal beliefs about the goodness and the rightness of being at a lower rather than a higher weight and also by continuing to weigh ourselves day after day.
Your weight does not define who you are as a person. People do not go around saying “hey you there, yes 150lb you or hi 230lb person, how are you?
No. They say, “Hey Pam!”, “I’ve missed you John”, “How’s your day been Alex?
We are people, not numbers.
People are not aware of our weight fluctuations, nor are they judging us for the number that shows up on the scale. So, stop judging yourself.
If a person is doing this, they are obviously not someone you want as a part of your life.
Do not give the scale power over your life.
Do not let it define your self-worth.
Remember, you are so much more than a number.
We seem to put more trust into corporations, social media influencers, wellness and health guru’s, even our own friends and family then we do in ourselves. And that’s not surprising as there is so much misleading nutrition advice and hundreds of diets out there all promising the same. Weight loss and happier you. So, with all these different diets how do you know which is right for you? I don’t have all the answers as what works for one person may not suitable for you. But what I do know is we have complicated food and eating so much that we don’t actually know what ‘healthy living’ is. Healthy living isn’t about being 100% on point or else you’ve failed. There will be times your weight goes up and times your weight goes down. And the same applies to your energy levels. Some weeks it will all about the green salads, avocado on toast and spin classes. Other weeks you may want more ice cream, pizza and rest days. That’s life and that’s
OK!
I know it’s hard and I know it’s scary but ultimately is your happiness not worth taking that leap of faith? Shouldn’t we be listening to our own body and not the toxic messages which were constantly being exposed to? There is an entire industry that is banking on you to hate yourself as much as possible. Self-hate = Cha-Ching! The diet industry pushes campaigns about how you need to change in order to be good enough. They tell you that if you just lose X pounds, THEN you’ll finally be loveable.
Newsflash: You’ve always be loveable, desirable, intelligent and beautiful – remember that.